steps for help and deal with a Bordeline

STEPS:
1. Regulate your own emotions.
- Pause: Make a breath and realize your physical sensations. Tag as the emotion that you are experiencing.
- Pay attention to your posture: drop your hands, relaxes the muscles of the face. Check out the rest of your body and release it.
- Half-smile calmly send him messages to your brain.
- Validate and encourage yourself.
If you can not regulate their emotions when using the above 4 steps, proposes to carry out the "opposite action", an exercise in Linehan to change emotions through behavior, that is to do the opposite of what the emotion He feels at that moment, impels him to do.
For example, feeling angry impulses leads to attack the other person; the opposite action would be away, leave the situation, hang up, do not send this destructive message ... but also do it in a friendly, saying the last word.
It may also help identify their emotional triggers, what kind of events tend to shoot this intense emotion or make it more reactive. Once you know what makes you vulnerable, you can make decisions about how to change your emotion or decide not interact with the other at that time.
2: Available.
Always valid emotional experience: "I see this hurts a lot," "I can understand why it upset you." Never say: "You should not feel that way," "can not be that bad" or "good, look good part" ...
Do not correct or contradict. I Say: "I know you feel like a fool," instead of "Not're stupid."
If in doubt, ask a question: "What do you think it could work here?" Instead of "You should ...".
3: Question / evaluated.
Asked specifically, but in a friendly "How would you want me to help you?" "You want to listen to you, give you advice or help you discover what to do"?
 a) If he tells you to listen, skip step 4 Troubleshooting and go to 5 (get information about your role).
 b) If you want your help, question: what happened, when it started, what it sees as a problem, what would that be the result.
4: Troubleshooting.
- Generate a list of solutions with your help.
- Collaborate with him to choose an option.
- Anticipate what might be in the way of implementation of the chosen option.
5: Get information from your paper and the result you want.
- Is there something you need to do to help or support your partner?
- Ask feedback, if that is important to you. Tell him you're really interested to know how it went.